Post 18: My best friend's baby

Well, today has been an exceptionally difficult day. We're now 26 months into our TTC journey, and have had six rounds of clomid, and three IUIs, and are waiting to see if the last one worked. My best friend is currently a missionary in Africa, and recently started TTC. Today she let me know that she's officially pregnant. It's still really early, and she's worried that something could go wrong, but four days of increasingly positive tests are hard to ignore. 

I'm not sure how I feel about this situation. I love my friend, and am genuinely happy for her. I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. I'm not jealous, but I am disappointed that she is pregnant and I'm not. I'm at such a low point that I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever become pregnant. Being jealous doesn't solve the problem of my infertility, and I know that my time will come, and that my friend will be overjoyed when I tell her that I'm expecting. However, I have a sense of failure that I can't seem to shake.

Post 17: The IUI

There's nothing more romantic than a lube free hand job in a sketchy motel room! Per our doctor's orders, Shaun and I booked a hotel room for the big event - our first IUI! The directions were simple: 1) at 7:00PM begin masturbation without using lube, water, or spit; 2) make sure to catch the full sample in the collection cup; 3) place filled sample cup between breasts and drive to doctor's office; 4) give sample to doctor by 8:00PM so it may be prepared for insemination procedure; 5) wait an hour for sample to be prepped; 6) get naked and knocked up with an extremely long catheter; 7) lay upside down for 15 minutes and let gravity take it's course.

Well, we started strong - we arrived at the hotel a few minutes early. But from there, things just didn't "work!" Shaun had performance anxiety, and being on a time limit didn't help matters. So, at 8:00PM, when we still didn't have a sample, we decided to go to David's office empty handed. 

When we walked in, David directed Shaun to an empty exam room to complete the process. About 10 minutes later, we were back on track and good to go.

David performed our first IUI, we stopped by Papa John's and shared a small pizza, and headed back to our sketchy motel room to turn in for the night. We did our "homework" as instructed, and headed home the next morning. 

The waiting game started once we got home. I'd had the IUI, and there was nothing more to do than wait for the results. Two weeks later, I took a pregnancy test. It was negative. Soon after, my period started, and we started the entire process over again. 

We would go on to try IUI three times in total. Each month with impressive sperm counts and great follicles, and none of them worked. My world had been turned upside down. The only remaining treatment for us was invitro fertilization (IVF) and David wasn't qualified to do it.

Post 16: My beautiful follicle

There's few things that I get excited about when it comes to infertility. However, hearing the ultrasound technician say that I have a beautiful follicle on the left side was the best news I've heard in a long time! I have beautiful follicles - me, infertile myrtle! I was ready to hug the technician over this news. 

Post 15: Babies Everywhere!

The hardest part of infertility, in my opinion, is having to congratulate people on their pregnancy or birth. My dance studio must be the most fertile group of women I've ever met. Out of 65 students, 16 parents have announced pregnancy or have given birth during this dance year. I've actually had 7 babies born to studio moms this month alone! When your greatest desire is to become a mother, and it's not happening, it's so difficult to hide your depression when congratulating parents on a weekly basis. 

Post 14: Clomid...Round 2

My first round of clomid didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Yes, I ovulated according to my progesterone test, but I did that on my own without clomid. Also, I didn't end up pregnant. 

When I started spotting, I contacted David to see what was next. I knew that most women taking clomid needed more than one cycle of drugs for them to work, so with the Easter holiday close by, I wanted to make sure I had my prescription ready to go. David told me to let him know when my period started, and at that point he would call in my prescription. Two days later, I did just that - I called. However, I didn't get a response. So the next day, I called again. Finally, I got a message that the prescription would be called in for me. So the next day, I stopped by my pharmacy, and, surprise, no prescription! At this point, I'm in a panic. It's a day before Easter, the pharmacy was closing later that day, and I was supposed to start clomid on Easter! About an hour later, the pharmacy called, and my nerves were restored. I stopped by, picked up my drugs, and, luckily, didn't have to have a consultation! 

My prescription came with new directions, stating that I was to start the medicine on day 5 of my cycle instead of day 3. From what I've read, taking clomid on day 3 produces more eggs, where as day 5 produces better quality eggs. So I followed the directions, crossed my fingers, and started my second round of drugs.

Post 13: Clomid...Round 1

My first round of clomid was quite interesting. I don't generally take medicine, and when I do, it's usually a child's dose. Therefore, I was quite nervous to start clomid. I'd read all of the horrible side effects that could happen, and I was strapped in and ready to go. When I took the first pill, I was sure that I would feel different. I expected uncontrollable emotions, agitation, and irritability. However, each day that I took a pill, I felt nothing new! I had conquered clomid, and my body didn't have any side effects! And then, a few days later, they hit me like a truck. 

The first side effect was insomnia. I would fall asleep quickly, as normal, then every hour on the hour, I'd wake up. At some point during the night, I'd have an hour where I would pet the cats, count sheep, read a book, or simply twiddle my thumbs until, hopefully, I would fall back to sleep. The insomnia was an almost nightly occurrence from the day after I finished the five pill prescription, until my period started. 

The second side effect was hot flashes. I have had a glimpse at menopause, and I am glad that it's still a long way away! When people talked about hot flashes, I thought they just got a little warm occasionally - no big deal. What I learned is that when you have hot flashes, you wake up from sleep (or insomnia) to find you need to change your sheets because you've sweat so much, there is a body print! Hot flashes are the worst side effect of any medication I've ever taken!

Eventually, I did find myself being extremely irritable, and my assistant at work said she noticed I talked a lot more than normal, but was impressed that I hadn't snapped at anyone. 

Each round of clomid is followed up with a day 21 progesterone test. On the day of the test for my first round of clomid, Shaun took me for blood work. I was extremely agitated at him for no aparent reason, and was almost in tears over the decision of fries or tater tots! Needless to day, it was a long day.

Post 12: Confidentiality...what's that?

About a week later, it was time to fill my prescription. I dropped off the script at our local walmart pharmacy, and after waiting 30 minutes, decided I would pick it up later that day. When I returned to the pharmacy, the pharmacy technician said that I had to have a consultation with the pharmacist before she could give me my prescription. I'm not sure if your familiar with walmart pharmacy's consultation area, but it's a window where the pharmacist loudly tells you about your medicine. When you live in a small town, the consultation goes as follows:

Pharmacist: "You're a Hudson aren't you?"

Me: "Yes, I was a Hudson until I got married."

Pharmacist: "You're not old enough to be married."

Me: "I'm 26."

Pharmacist: "Oh! How long have you been married."

Me: "Almost 4 years."

Pharmacist: "And you're trying to have a baby!"

Me: "That's the plan."

Pharmacist: "Well, I want to make sure that you understand the prescription I'm about to give you. You take one pill a day, starting on day 3 of your cycle. Day 3 of your cycle means that it's the third day of your period. You'll take one pill from day 3-7, then on day 21 of your cycle, you need to have blood work to check your progesterone levels."

Me: "Yep. My doctor explained the steps really well."

Pharmacist: "Ok, Mrs. Noonan, here's your prescription for clomid, good luck with making a baby!"

I paid my $4 for the prescription, and walked away slyly, trying to see if anyone was around. Luckily, it wasn't a busy day at the pharmacy, so no one was there to start the small town rumor mill! Crisis averted!