Post 29: Avocad-oh!

I've spent the last week trying to find a way to eat avocado in a way that doesn't taste like avocado. I'd planned on making brownies based on a pinterest recipe (1 boxes brownie mix and 1 mashed avocado), but when I looked through my cabinets, I was all out of brownie mix. What I did find was a bag of gingerbread cookie mix. I figured it had to be similar to brownies, so I made up a recipe, and it worked! It even, gasp, tastes great! 

I started by mashing a full avocado until it was as smooth as it could be. Then I slowly began adding the cookie mix. I knew there was more mix than there would have been with the brownies, so made sure to watch the texture. I then realized that I didn't want to waste the rest of the mix, so I threw in the rest, added an egg and two tablespoons of water, and viola, baby poop cookie dough! 

I dropped the cookie dough by spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet, and baked them at 375 for 10 minutes. I ended up with a pretty awesome cookie, and I only have to eat eight of them to equal half an avocado! I'd highly recommend this recipe to anyone trying to sneak veggies into their diet. You can't taste or see the avocado at all, and the cookies are really moist and fluffy. I'll definitely make these again! 

Post 28: Holy Guacamole...I Still Hate Avocado

After three days of force feeding myself avocados, I still don't like them. After my first attempt at a turkey, cheese, and avocado sandwich, I decided to get a little more creative. Day 2 of the gross green diet included homemade taco chicken taquitos with an organic guacamole dipping sauce. I didn't like it, but I ate it! It did make me feel better though when my husband said I picked an awful tasting guacamole. Maybe there's hope for me yet, and I'll find, or make, the perfect guac eventually. 

Today's avocado endeavor included an avocado dressing with cucumbers, yellow tomatoes, and red peppers. The good news is it didn't taste anything like avocado, the bad news is I have to eat six cups of it to equal my daily 1/2 avocado. 

The gross-looking slimy, egg hold consistency sauce didn't look too appealing, but the flavor was pretty good. For the dressing, I took 1/2 an avocado and mashed it until it resembled a paste, then added about 2-3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil, and a packet of Italian dressing seasoning. I ate this with crackers, and I didn't hate it, so that's a plus!  

My next recipe, straight from pinterest, could go either way - Avocado brownies. Doesn't that just scream deliciousness? Supposedly you can take a boxed brownie mix and add a whole, mashed avocado and viola, brownies!  Maybe I'll add my daily does of walnuts to the mix for a little crunch. Ugh, this may end badly. 

Post 27: Avocado...gross

Oh, the things we do when we're baby crazy! As were preparing for IVF, I'm trying to really work on my diet. I'm a pretty healthy person. I exercise a lot between the YMCA and the dance studio, don't drink caffeine, and I cook most of our meals. However, we still eat quite a bit of fast food, and this week I finished almost an entire dozen Krispy Kreme chocolate iced glazed donuts! But, it was the first unmedicated month I've had since February, and my last chance to splurge before IVF. I've been reading all sorts of books about IVF, and thought I don't normally believe in them, I'm starting to follow as many old wives tales as I can find. I figure it can't hurt, and if constantly wearing socks and only drinking room temperature beverages can increase my chances of pregnancy, then I'm all for it!

Let me start out by saying how much I hate avocado - I think I'd rather eat dirt! However, every book that I've read about IVF prep says that avocados are super foods, and you should try to eat half of an avocado each day while going through the IVF process. Since I hate avocados so much, I decided to start working it into my diet before starting IVF to let my body, and tastebuds, adjust! 

I began by asking my friends and family how they like to eat avocados. I was given many suggestions, including mixing it into a salad, or making guacamole, but the one thing that everyone said was to put it on a sandwich in place of mayonnaise or mustard. So, today at lunch, I decided to do just that. I stopped at a grocery store, bought an avocado, and at lunchtime, I smashed it, and spread it on my sandwich. I also followed my sisters advice and melted the cheese on my sandwich to help disguise the consistency. What I ended up with was a nasty looking turkey and cheese sandwich, with way too much avocado for my liking. 

I forced myself to eat the entire sandwich, and added in some cool ranch Doritos to help mask the flavor. In conclusion, I still hate avocado, and melted cheese does not improve the texture at all. Maybe this old wives tale should be put to rest, because I don't think I can force myself to eat avocado every day for the next six weeks! 

Post 26: Feng Shui

As part of my acupuncture treatments, my doctor asked if I had changed anything in our bedroom lately. I replied, "only the sheets," and was told that we needed to change something to help reset my internal clock. It could be as simple as a new pillow or bedspread, but she really wanted us to rearrange the furniture. So 24 hours later, we did just that! We moved the bed and chest of drawers, and changed our comfortor to our warm, winter quilt. We also managed to find around 20-30 cat toys hidden under furniture! 

I'm not sure if the feng shui is correct, but it's worth a try. I'm now sleeping around four hours each night, which is a pretty good improvement considering I was only averaging two to three hours each night before starting acupuncture. I knew that it wouldn't be an overnight change, and to expect it to take time, and, I think, little by little I'm making progress. 

Post 25: Peed on Sticks

I lasted longer than I thought I would, two full weeks, but I ended up peeping on an OPK this morning. I planned on taking the month off, not charting or tracking data, or peeing on sticks, but that didn't last long! I decided this morning to at least track ovulation since it's been so long since my body's had to do it unassisted. The test was negative, but should be positive soon. I was also afraid that if I didn't track it this month, then they may ask me about it at our IVF consultation and I wouldn't have an answer. So, here I go, again, peeping on sticks. 

Post 24: Feelin' Funky

I've found myself in a funk lately. My "get up and go" has gotten up and gone. I have no desire to do anything. Things that generally bring me so much joy are now things that I do because I have to, rather than because I want to. I would almost guarantee that this funk is caused by the hormones slowly leaving my body. Since this is our off cycle as we prepare for IVF, I am officially hormone free for the first time since February. I sound like a bad commercial for beef.

I think another issue is that I see and interact with babies everywhere. It's so hard to be surrounded by the one thing that you want more than anything in the world. However, I did this to myself. I didn't have to offer dance classes for infants and toddlers, but it made sense as there's no classes around for that age group. Unfortunately, I underestimated how hard it would be on me personally. Moreso, it's an internal struggle as no one knows what we're going through other than my staff. I did catch one of them watching me interact with the children and moms in class this week. They know my struggle, and watch me pull myself together, put on a smile, and play with other people's children. 

I also realized that I have yet to cry, at all, throughout our entire infertility journey. I'm not a crier in general, and was raised to be tough with the saying, "Suck it up, buttercup." It takes a lot for me to cry, but one would think that I'd hit my limit. I fully expected a meltdown when my BFF told me she was pregnant. However, the tears didn't come. I put up such a strong front, when in actuality in crying and having a total breakdown inside. Crying won't solve my problems, but maybe I need to wallow in my grief in order to move on. 

I use the word grief liberally. No, I have not suffered the loss of a child through miscarriage, but I have suffered through years of ups and downs, each month praying and hoping that our test will be positive. I grieve for the children that I haven't had, and pray for the ones that are coming. It's difficult to talk about grief when loved ones don't understand. I grieve for the time I've lost through this journey, for the friends I've lost contact with because they don't understand or are tired of listening, and for myself as I continue to put my body through countless treatments. 

Post 23: Needles...lots of needles

I have officially finished my first round of acupuncture! It went extremely well, I stayed calm, and as I was informed beforehand, it didn't hurt. There was a little sting on a few of the needles, but overall, not too shabby. Today, she targeted the areas of my body to help with insomnia, fatigue, and reproductive health. This included three needles in each leg, two in each arm, and one in the top of my head. There's more areas Dr. Lori will target, but these were the starting points. The goal right now is to reset my body. I've been going for so long on so little sleep and at such a high stress level that we're both expecting it to take a little while before I start to notice a difference in my sleep patterns. As Dr. Lori said, I may feel like crashing early tonight, but with as tightly wound as I've been, it may not happen right away. Hopefully I will be sleeping before we make it to IVF, and my stress levels will come down. Acupuncture itself isn't too bad. I barely felt the needles, and the ones I did feel only stung for a second or two. The worst part, in my opinion, was sitting in silence for 20 minutes while the needles were in place. I stared at the ceiling, and found patterns and shapes in the ceiling tiles. I go back in two days for another round of acupuncture, and maybe by next week I'll start to see a difference in my sleep and energy levels.