Post 3: Spilled seeds in Hobby Lobby

I failed to mention earlier that David's office is about an hour and forty-five minutes from our house. So when we left his office for the first time with our "attack plan," we decided to go ahead and get the blood work and semen analysis knocked out. The sooner we had the tests completed, the sooner we would know why we hadn't gotten pregnant. Since blood work was completed next door, I was up first, and became a partial blood donor. Though I didn't watch, I know they took around 50 vials of blood - ok, so maybe it was more like 5-6 vials, but it seemed like a lot more at the time! They took my blood, said have a good day, and it was time for Shaun's test.

If you've never had to provide a semen sample for analysis, here's the directions we we were given:

1) abstain from sex for 36 hours

2) rent hotel room due to travel time/distance

3) clean genitals 

4) begin masturbation

5) catch entire sample in cup

6) put lid on cup

7) clean up

8) immediately put sample between wife's breasts to keep warm

9) deliver sample to hospital within 30 minutes of collection time

Luckily for us, we had abstained for 36 hours when we were given the directions, so we decided to do the analysis the same day as our appointment. I refused to rent a hotel room - if I had to have a full exam, Shaun could "get it on" with himself in the hospital bathroom. 

If you've ever wanted to set the world record for longest time to masturbate, give a man a semen collection kit, drop him off at the hospital, make him ask the receptionist which floor the analysis lab is on, and then ask where the bathroom is located. I decided to wait in the car since I couldn't really "help," and got concerned when we hit the 20 minute mark. Around the 30 minute mark, Shaun came back to the car with a frown on his face, and an empty cup. All he said was, "they knew." 

Determined to turn in the semen analysis that day, we decided to go shopping. I had a few things I needed to pick up from Hobby Lobby, and since he didn't want to shop, he could try again in a less stressful environment. About 10 minutes into my shopping trip, I got a text message reading, "SUCCESS! Go check out, we've got 30 minutes to deliver!" I quickly made my way to the register, and Shaun casually strolled up behind me with a huge grin on his face. When we got to the car, he took the sample out of his pocket, and I placed it in my bra. We made it to the hospital with time to spare!