Post 63: Depression Sinking In

The news of my sister's pregnancy has sent me into a downward spiral. It's like kicking me while I was already down. All I want to do is cry. I'm going through the motions of daily life, but it's like I'm on autopilot. I'm not generally an emotional person, and this whole situation has thrown me for a loop. I don't know how to handle these feelings. I'll be ok for a little while, and then I'll remember that Sara's having a baby, and I'm right back to being depressed. When will it be my turn? Haven't I suffered enough? I know God promised that He would not allow pain without something new being born, but I never expected that it would be my pain and my niece or nephew being born. This isn't how it was supposed to be. I know I'm not in control, but after almost three years of negatives, don't I deserve happiness too? Believing that He will provide the desires of my heart is what is keeping me held together, but every pregnancy announcement and failed treatment makes it so hard. I just want to be a mother. I want a baby. I want to be pregnant. Why, oh why, Lord, am I constantly being told to wait?