104: Date Night

We were expecting snow, so with a 9:30AM appointment, Shaun and I decided to head to Winston Salem the night before our transfer. We put Julie down for her nap, then hit the road, and left Linda in charge. We got to Winston Salem at dinner time, and, of course, had Japanese! We found a new restaurant, Mizu Japanese, and will definitely be returning. They had a full sushi menu, and excellent soup and hibachi. We left dinner, and headed to the hotel. We have always stayed at the Quality Inn on Hawthorne Lane. Since we didn’t decide ahead of time that we’d stay over night, we didn’t book a room. They always have availability, the rooms are clean, and the price is great. We got to the hotel, and for the first time ever, they were completely booked. They had a wedding party and guests for a soccer tournament. There was no room and the inn.

Our doctor’s office always had information about a hotel that offered discounts to patients. The starting price for their rooms was $135/night, so we’d never looked in to it. Since we were stuck without a room, we decided to see what they had to offer. We drove to the Hawthorne Inn, and were extremely surprised. The hotel is owned by the hospital, and offered a 50% discount to patients. We booked a room, and were pleasantly surprised. The hotel was extremely nice, and we will definitely stay there again. 

After checking in, we decided to go to the movies. We watched I Can Only Imagine, then headed back to our hotel, and crashed for the night. 

103: Support

Within about 15 minutes of sending my email, Lauren called to talk to me. We discussed my frustrations, and my lack of trust in Dr. Berga. I explained that I didn’t want to face her, or have her do our transfer. Lauren recommended freezing the embryos, and waiting a cycle, so we could have our doctor be there. Dr. Johnston had been on vacation for the past week, which is why she wasn’t able to do the retrieval or transfer. Lauren said that Dr. Patel was going to call me at 2PM to chat and discuss my options and feelings.

At 1PM, Shenia, one of our dance moms and a good friend, stopped by with lunch! She brought Pizza Hut, friendship, and a listening ear. I talked with her and Courtney about my hesitations, and dealt with Linda telling me that it’s in God’s hands and I shouldn’t be upset over what happened. I clearly know that God is in control, and I trust that He will answer my prayers. That doesn’t make the left behind eggs any easier to process, and it will always leave me wondering. 

Linda left after lunch, and Dr. Patel called right on time. She said that our best chance for success with or embryos was a fresh transfer. That a frozen transfer increases the chance of success by 10%, but that our embryos may not make it to freeze because of the quality, so risking it for my distaste in a doctor could cost us the entire cycle. Dr. Patel reassured me that Dr. Berga is very skilled at her job, and has been doing transfers longer than anyone else in the office. I agreed to the transfer, reluctantly, but decided it was the best course of action. If our embryos won’t make it to freeze, then I can’t chance it.

About an hour later, Dr. Patel called again. She called Dr. Johnston, and talked with her about how I was feeling. Dr. Johnston agreed to do the transfer for us! My entire outlook improved, and my stress melted away. I’m officially ready for transfer. 

102: Uncertainty

Today I’m just feeling a little down. Of the 9 eggs they retrieved, 8 fertilized. However, one is abnormal, 3 are fragmented and very poor quality, and the other 4 are ok. I keep wondering if we’d have had more, or better quality, eggs and embryos if they’d have retrieved all the eggs. 

I decided to send a message to Roxanne, explaining how I’m feeling. I don’t trust Dr. Berga. She did our retrieval, and told Shaun it went smoothly, when it didn’t. I don’t know that she tried her best to get the eggs, or if she just gave up since she wasn’t personally or emotionally invested in our case. Dr. Berga is supposed to do our transfer, but I just don’t think I can face her.

Post 101: Percocet

I have a new understanding of recreational drug use. I rarely even take a Tylenol, so when they wrote me a prescription for Percocet, I decided to take the low dose option. I was able to take 1-2 pills every 4-6 hours. Good lord, I would have been comatose if I did that! One pill was more than enough to knock me out and take away the pain. I actually fell asleep while eating after the first dose, and slept all day and night with just 2 doses! 

By Thursday, I’d only taken one pill at breakfast. Randi picked me up from the farm, and took me to class, since I’m not allowed to drive while medicated. I started feeling some pain, which made me light headed and queasy after a bit, and decided to take another dose after eating dinner. All my cares slipped away! 

I spent the rest of the evening trying to stay awake, then Gabi drove me home after class. I crashed quickly, and the day was gone. 

Post 100: Unstable

The ER was so full, that they took my vitals behind a curtain in the waiting room. The nursing supervisor was in charge of my check-in, and immediately realized something was very wrong, and continually apologized for the wait being so long. She asked general questions about pain levels, allergies, symptoms, etc. Then she took my vitals. My pulse was ok, but my temperature was low, and my blood pressure was 99/57. She said based on my stats, I was unstable, and would be sticking around for a while.

I got moved into a room, right next to the nurses station. They were so full that is didn’t get a private room, I got a curtain area, so I got to hear everything that was happening all evening. From the very sick grandma wailing like a ghost, to the drunk man who was being chased by something, to the other grandma with a broken left hip, yet they kept x-raying the right one. It was a rough, busy night. 

I had a male nurse all evening, and he came in to start an IV, and check my vitals again. Then the phlebotomist came to visit, tested my blood for every single thing they could think of, asked for a urine sample, and finally let me rest. I explained that my urine test would come back positive for pregnancy, but that it was from my trigger shot for IVF. Once they realized I wasn’t just looking for drugs, they called Dr. Patel, realized that I really wasn’t pregnant, and agreed I could have morphine. My nurse game me zofran and morphine, and I told him he was my favorite person. It kicked in instantaneously. My world started spinning, everything was carefree, but the pain was still there. In full force. We continued to wait and see if it got any better, and when it didn’t, they decided I needed more testing. An ultrasound tech came in, and said she was going to take me to a different room for the exam. When I asked her what type of ultrasound she would be doing, she said pelvic. I refused treatment. I’d just had the retrieval surgery, and was told nothing in the vagina for 5 days minimum. Dr. Patel also told the tech that a pelvic ultrasound wasn’t necessary, since it wouldn’t show anything other than swollen ovaries. They ageeed that instead, I needed a CT scan with contrast to get a better view. 

The CT was weird. I’d had the HSG with contrast, but never a CT. The radiologist said that once she started the dye, I would feel warm, and like I was going to pee on myself. That’s exactly what happened. Oddest feeling ever! After the exam, they wheeled me back to my curtain area, and we got to wait. Again. 

Around 3AM, they got my results back. I had a pool of blood under my liver, which was causing all the pain, and a reputed ovarian cyst. They gave me another dose of morphine, and continued to monitor me while deciding on a plan of action. Throughout the entire evening, my blood pressure continued to slowly drop. They’d given me 2-3 bags of fluids, and I’d been peeing like crazy. Shaun was asleep, but I was going to burst if I didn’t make it to the restroom soon. We walked down the hallway, and the bathroom was disgusting. Drunk guy had peed all over the toilet, floor, walls, everything. I had to pee though. It wasn’t an option, so I picked up my gown, squatted and hoped for the best. I started feeling light headed before the trip to the bathroom, but squatting must have pushed me over the edge. My world started spinning, and I told Shaun I had to sit down. There is a waiting area by the restrooms, so I didn’t have far to go. 

Once I sat down, I started sweating, my world was spinning, and I thought I was going to hurl. My nurse found me quickly, and Shaun explained what was going on. They decided the best thing to do was to get me back in bed. A minute later, a wheelchair arrived, but I was so weak that I couldn’t stand on my own. Shaun and my nurse lifted me into the chair, then lifted me back into my bed. When they got the monitors back on me, my blood pressure had dropped to 86/51, and my heart rate was 47. I was close to coma levels. All I remember hearing was that they were going to release me, but decided I needed to spend the night. They’d used smelling salts on me 3-4 times, and my stats just kept dropping. The doctor in the ER, and Dr. Patel, decided a night of observation would be the best plan. 

They admitted me to the maternity floor. Around 4AM, under Dr. Mullins’ care - the on call OBGYN. I got a private room in labor and delivery, with a bed for me, and two hard wooden chairs for Shaun. Funny, considering I was there for infertility. I was sick as a dog at this point, and spent a good amount of time stuck to a barf bag. I asked for zofran, and the nurses said they didn’t have orders for it, so they just brought me diet ginger ale, saltines, and a barf bucket. 

At 5AM, they came in to check vitals. They asked if I needed anything, and Shaun asked for a pillow and blanket. They brought him a recliner, and bedding, and he was finally able to rest. At 8AM, they came in to help me get to the bathroom. I asked if I was able to get breakfast, since I’d only had one meal in three days, and I was told no. That until they’d cleared me through blood work, I wasn’t able to eat or drink. Shaun ran out to get himself breakfast, and to pick up my medrol, aspirin, cell phone charger, and change of clothes. 

Shaun stopped back by to check on me, then headed to work. My nurse returned for blood work around 10:30AM, and said that if it was normal, they’d bring me a lunch tray, and after I ate and kept the food down, I’d be released. Since Shaun had already left for work, and I wasn’t able to drive, I was left to find a way home. I called my parents, but they had a lunch meeting and were stuck. Next, I sent Randi a message. She was in town, and said she’d be there! Yay! Dr. Mullins came in to talk with me, and said everything looked good, my ovaries were hyperstimulate, but that was to be expected, and the blood would absorb within a few days. He finally wrote me a prescription for Percocet, and said I’d be released unless my blood counts were abnormal. It was just a waiting game. 

At almost 12PM on the dot, they brought me food. I’ve never been so happy to eat. I inhaled my hamburger and fries. The nurse came in to remove my IV, and there was one bite left on my plate. She tried to move it away from me, but if looks could have killed, she’d have been long gone. She moved her hand away quickly, and went back to removing the IV, while I finished my last bite. I went to the bathroom one last time - they’d given me five units of fluid by then - got dressed, and sent Randi a message, letting her know I’d been released. 

The nurse wheeled me to the front door, and Randi was my saving grace. I was finally free! Being a genius, Randi asked if they’d given me prescriptions, and if I needed to fill them. That hadn’t even registered with me. Haha! I just wanted to get out of the hospital, and home to my bed. We stopped at CVS, got my medicine, and headed home. She dropped me off, and Courtney and Stephanie were waiting on me. They helped get me into bed, take my medications, and entertained Julie so I could get some rest. I slept all afternoon. Percocet is amazing, and my pain was finally under control. 

Post 99: Shit

Shaun helped me get in the house after the retrieval, and I went to lay down in bed. Surprisingly, I wasn’t tired. I should have been since I’d had anesthesia, but I was wide awake. I watched some tv, and then it hit me. Excruciating pain, through my right shoulder. As long as I was propped up, I was ok. When I’d start to lay down, my right shoulder would send chills down my spine. 

Then the pain started to spread. It moved to under my ribcage, and my left shoulder. I thought it may have been gas, but they didn’t inflate my stomach. I took 2 extra strength gas-x, and another dose of 1000mg Tylenol, and the pain just got worse. I toughed it out for a few hours, and hoped it would go away. 

Shaun put Julie in bed, then joined me. I tried to lay down again, and the pain just continued to shoot through me. It was like I was being stabbed, and I couldn’t catch my breath. At that point, I decided that Shaun could call the doctor on call, to make sure everything was ok. 

Within 10 minutes, we had Dr. Patel on the phone. She explained that the retrieval has been more traumatic than we were told, and that based on my symptoms, she expected I had internal bleeding. She said it’s not uncommon, but doesn’t happen often. The bleeding was causing irritation to my diaphragm, which was causing the pain in my shoulder and ribcage. She said that it would clear up on its own within a few days, but that we needed to go to the ER for Percocet, to help ease the pain and help my body heal. 

Julie was asleep, so our first priority was to find someone to watch her so we didn’t have to take her with us. We called Angel, but she didn’t answer. Then we called my sister, who was at the beach, and finally my parents, who jumped in the car and headed our way. It was around 7:45, so we expected to be home within a few hours. When they arrived, we gave them the baby monitor and the TV remote, and wished them good luck. 

When we got in the car, I sent Randi a message saying, “I feel like shit.” For anyone who knows me, this statement may be surprising. I don’t curse. Ever. It’s not language that I’m comfortable using, so when I do, you know something is very wrong. We drove straight to the ER, and checked it. Apparently, the entire town of Richlands was also at the ER. We waited for two hours before getting called back. 

Post 98: Retrieval is Here

Today’s the day! Retrieval day! Unfortunately, it didn’t go quite as planned. We checked in to the hospital at 8AM, as requested, and they took me right back into the minor procedure area. The news was playing in the waiting room, and there was a story about a child being rescued from a home, after it was found that the mother was feeding him brewed marijuana in his bottle. These people can have babies easily and naturally, but here we are, waiting for surgery, in hopes of becoming parents. Sorry for the tangent, but it felt important to include for some reason. 

By 8:15, I was in my gown in bed, waiting my turn. They started an IV, gave me fluids, asked all sorts of questions, reviewed the procedure, discussed the potential follicles, and fell in love with Easter photos of Julie. They were expecting to retrieve 7 eggs on the right and 5 on the left, based on follicle size. I had 18 measurable follicles, but the nurse explained that any follicle under 15mm likely wasn’t mature. The 12 follicles she listed we’re all good sized, and well over the 15mm mark! Around 9:30, they came to get me for surgery. They had me stop by the bathroom and empty my bladder, then a nurse and the anesthesiologist walked me to the operating room. I laid down on the table, and talked about grant writing with doctors as they put my arms in soft restraints, and administered versed. I was out like a light within minutes. 

An hour later, I started walking up. The nurse had told me she would write the number of eggs retrieved on my hand, so I could see for myself when I woke up. It took everything in me to focus on it, but there in my hand, was the number 9. It took a while, but I finally gained consciousness. They brought me some Tylenol, graham crackers, and ginger ale, and I got to talk with Shaun. I slept through the doctor’s report, so I was anxious to hear what happened. 

Shaun explained that the surgery didn’t go quite as planned. My left ovary was adhered to the scar tissue from my c-section. They weren’t able to safely get to the ovary to retrieve the eggs. They had to abandon at least 3 large follicles, since the risks outweighed the benefits. The doctor that operated on me, Dr. Berta, was someone I’d never met. I had no trust in her judgment, but I know that what should have been a 15 minute procedure took an hour. She definitely attempted to retrieve the eggs, but I’ll always wonder if she gave up, instead of seeking help. 

I was disappointed, but also lucky they retrieved so many. Nine is a good starting point, especially if they’re all mature. We won’t know how many turn to embryos until tomorrow though. By noon, we’d been released from the hospital, and were headed home. We stopped in Wytheville and picked up Japanese, my first meal since dinner the night before, then went home to rest. We dropped of a bowl of clear soup to Randi on our way home, because good friends deserve good soup when they’re feeling worn down, and she’d had a hard day in court, but still managed to check on me. I truly am blessed with her friendship. 

Post 97: Prep

The count down is on for retrieval day! Schools were closed today for spring break, so I had the day off. Shaun changed his schedule around, and is coming home early, so we can head to Winston Salem tonight. Our retrieval is set for 9AM tomorrow, and we have to check in at 8AM. 

Today has been low key again. I met with a few dance moms to clean and set-up the studio, paid our rent to make sure they don’t lock us out, and stopped by the farm to visit with my parents. Linda was home with Julie, and since I can’t chase or lift her, I tried to stay away. I stopped by Goodwill, and cleaned and vacuumed Shaun’s car before the trip. 

Shaun got home around dinner time. We hugged Julie, and got on the road immediately. I knew I had to eat today, so we stopped at Wendy’s on our way out of town. The trip to North Carolina was uneventful. We drove straight to the hotel, Shaun ran to the gas station next door and got water and snacks, then we headed to bed. 

I chatted with Randi for quite a while about tomorrow’s procedure, and she truly helped put my mind at ease. Randi is the only other person I know who has gone through IVF treatments, and has been a lifesaver for my sanity. No one understands the emotional game, unless they’ve gone through it. I’ve known Randi for years now, but the past few weeks have been a huge change in our friendship. I have become a stronger person since getting to know her, and am truly blessed to have found a true friend who just gets me. I so desperately needed a friend, and she has gone above and beyond that call. 

Post 96: Happy Easter

Happy Easter! Today has been low key, and relaxing. Just what the doctor ordered! Julie was absolutely thrilled that the Easter bunny came to visit her, and brought her a basket full of goodies. She ate more sweets today than she has in her entire life, but still managed to take almost a three hour nap. 

After opening her basket, we had breakfast, played with her new bubble blower, then I got Julie dressed for church. Shaun had to be there early for band practice, so Linda took Julie since I’m so bloated and nauseous that I could stand going. I crashed while they were at church, then started on lunch once they got home.

Lunch today was simple. The three of us, Linda, and my parents. Julie was sound asleep when the food was ready, so we let her nap, and enjoyed an adult only meal. My parents left shortly after we ate, and Julie woke up a little before dinner time. 

Linda hadn’t seen the new “Beauty and the Beast” movie, which is Julie’s favorite, so after nap, we all watched it together. Julie danced around the upstairs of our house with Shaun any time music was playing. It was adorable to watch. We decided we needed dinner, and I’d been dreaming of stuffed crust pizza for days. I knew my stomach wouldn’t handle it well, but I just couldn’t get it off my mind. So Shaun ordered Pizza Hut, and our Easter dinner arrived quickly. We played a little more, ate a little more, and then it was time for bed. Julie crashed hard again. I’m guessing she’s in a growth spurt, or getting sick, because she was out within a minute, and barely put up a fight. 

After bedtime, Shaun prepared my trigger shots. I got two injections in my belly (yay), then we watched the movie, “Heaven is for Real.” The book is wonderful, but the movie was good too. Linda hadn’t seen it, and Shaun and I hadn’t watched it in years. It was a nice way to spend the evening. About an hour into the movie, Shaun went to bed. He was sound asleep by the time I joined him at 10, and I crashed quickly too. I think all the travel has caught up with both of us, and we’re both just feeling run down and exhausted. The end is near though. At this point, we only have the retrieval, transfer, and pregnancy test remaining. The hard part is over. 

(Backup) Post 95: Last Day

Another day, another appointment! Today, we returned to Wake Forest for our final monitoring appointment. The hospital isn’t generally open on the weekends, so it’s more low key. However, the waiting room was completely full! When you’re making babies, weekends and holidays don’t matter. 

The nurse called us back fairly quickly, and did my blood work in the conference room. Then we moved on to the ultrasound. The tech today was much more relaxed with the exam, and was able to find my left ovary. She said it was still really far away, but that it was good that it was visible. She measured 11 follicles on the right, and 7 on the left. This is huge! We only started with 19 follicles, and currently have 18 measurable! 

We met with Dr. Patel after the exam. She went over procedures for the trigger shot, and explained that we’d be doing a Lupron trigger with an HCG booster to help mature the eggs a little further. We’re also triggering 90 minutes early, again, for better egg quality. Our trigger is set for Sunday night, so today is my last day of stims. Hopefully, the last day ever! They lent us a Ganirelix pen, since we ran out of Cetrotide, and we’re waiting on the bill. 

After the appointment, we headed home to get ready for Easter dinner with my side of the family. Linda made chicken nuggets, and we all chipped in to make sides and desserts. Julie, Lilly, and Eliza played together for hours, Shaun took the girls for a ride on the mule, and chaperoned the playground, Sara, Linda, and I talked in the kitchen, and Mom and dad bounced back and forth between conversations. We enjoyed a wonderful meal, then headed home, finished our last time of stims, and crashed hard. 

Post 94: Another Day at the Doctor

We had our third monitoring appointment of the week today! Linda drove me to the appointment again, and it was a doozy. When they made my appointment, then squeezed me in between other patients. They had no openings for the day, and I was told ahead of time that there may be a long wait. When I checked in, every seat was full in both of the waiting rooms! They sent me to have blood work first, to kill some time. 

When I finished, it was back to waiting. Finally, it was my turn for ultrasound. Oh today was not pleasant. I usually have an ultrasound tech in the room, and occasionally a med student or other nursing student observing. Today, med student was in charge. Ugh. She was not gentle, wasn’t quite sure what buttons to push, and took about twice as long as normal for the exam. I’m also pretty sure she was checking my throat through my vagina at one point. Ouch. 

Right off the start they told me that I had a ton of mucous, which is what they were looking for! I also had a thing endometrial lining, which is perfect for helping embryos stick. The found 9 measureible follicles on the right side. And then it was time for the left. They’ve struggled with my left ovary with every appointment this cycle. After the med student said she couldn’t find it, I then got to have two sets of hands on one ultrasound probe between my legs, fishing around, hoping for the best. Ouch, I say again. There were comments made about my ovary hiding, twisting, and being behind my uterus. The ultrasound tech eventually pushed on my stomach to get the ovary into view, while the med student maneuvered the wand. It was so painful that they didn’t even worry about measuring. The just took a few quick photos, and called it at day. They measured five more follicles after the photos were taken, so we’re up to 14 measurable now! 

After the exam, I met with Roxanne. I was pleantly surprised to see her. She doesn’t usually work on Friday, and it was a holiday weekend, so I was expecting to see Chelsea or Lauren. I talked with Roxanne about how sick is been, and she told me I could stop the antibiotics, and that she’d call in a prescription for zofran to help. Then we got to the good part. They don’t really know what to do with me right now. My follicles are growing beautifully, but aren’t mature enough for trigger yet. However, my estrogen level is getting high, and they don’t want to have me overstimulate. If they trigger too soon, I won’t have enough mature eggs, but if I hyperstimulate it can cause a different set of problems. She sent me home with another Gonal F pen, since I didn’t have enough for another dose, and said I’d receive a call later in the day with a plan. 

Linda and I killed some time after the appointment, shopping for groceries for Easter. When we hadn’t heard anything, we grabbed a quick lunch at Whole Foods, and headed home. I ate a few bites of chicken and mac n cheese, which was the most I’d eaten in days. 

On the way home, Roxanne called. They’ve decided to has me come back again tomorrow. Ugh. They want to see how much more I progress overnight, to better determine when to trigger. I’m to take the same doses of medicine (100 Gonal F, 75 Menopur, and 1 Ceteotide) tonight, then they’ll update for tomorrow. Depending on my progress, we’ll trigger some time between Saturday and Monday. Please don’t let it be Monday! 

Post 93: Monitoring

We had yet another monitoring appointment today! Labs look good, my estrogen level has gotten a little high at 844, but the follicles are looking beautiful! 

I talked with Roxanne after the ultrasound, and explained what had been going on with my neck. She was concerned about a blood clot, and said to check it regularly, and if I found a lump or knot, to go to urgent care. Well, on our way home from Wake, I found a lump. Crap.

We headed straight to Urgent Care when we got home. They had absolutely no idea what to do with me. The doctors best advice was to, “Say my prayers and hope it doesn’t happen again.” The lump was gone by the time we got to uregent care, so they decided that I’m having a reaction to one of the medications. There’s no way to tell which medication though. He wanted me to stop everything, and just give up IVF. When I told him that wasn’t an option, he prescribed an epipen. 

I followed up with Roxanne after leaving Urgent Care, and she said that they agreed it sounded like an allergic reaction. I was told to keep taking all medicines like normal, but to add Benadryl each night as a precaution. 

I go back on Friday, so hopefully, everything will be good to go. They’re still planning on trigger Friday or Saturday, and retrieval Sunday or Monday. 

(Backup) Post 92: Twitching

Today was a good day. Fairly symptom and bloat free. We did Easter activities in dance class, I went to acupuncture, returned to class, and attended the Talent Show at Richlands Elementary to cheer on one of our dancers. Linda arrived, and Julie was asleep, before I got home. As I sat on the couch, my neck began to twitch. It wasn’t muscular. I could feel my pulse, and there was pain from the top of my shoulder to behind my ear. I decided to lay down, and it continued throughout the evening. My appointment with Wake Forest is only a few hours away, so I’m going to hope for the best, and will talk to our doctor about it in the morning. 

Post 91: Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

Just when we thought we knew the plan, we were wrong! Dr. Johnston had prepared us to move our timeline up for our retrieval. We were supposed to be back at her office on Wednesday and Friday, but after looking at the ultrasound, she decided Thursday and Saturday would be better, and egg retrieval would be on Monday or Tuesday. We got home from our visit, I explained the new plan to Courtney, called Tom and Linda so they’d be here to travel with me Thursday, rescheduled a court date, and thought we were good to go. 

When I got to the studio, I checked my email. I had a new message from Roxanne. She said that based on the blood results, they want to see me Wednesday. Ugh. I just cancelled those plans! I responded and said we’d be there, and asked if the egg retrieval was still looking to be early next week. Lauren replied and said that based on the number of follicles I have, and my increasing estrogen level, that they don’t expect me to make it to next week. What!?! Yikes! I was not expecting this to move so quickly. I’m just starting to wrap my head around the fact that we’re doing IVF again, and now my timeline has been moved up almost a full week. Eek!

I cancelled Tom and Linda, they’ll be here for Easter, but not any earlier, and talked to Courtney about riding with me to Wake Forest on Wednesday. I can make the trip alone, but almost six hours in a car is a long time for silence. 

My instructions from Roxanne also included new medication dosages. I’m continuing 112 units of Gonal F, 65 units of Menopur, and will also add a vile of Ceteotide beginning tonight. Cetrotide prevents my body from ovulating naturally, which allows the eggs to mature further. I’ll also add the HCG booster to help mature them even further before retrieval. So, here’s to shots, new plans, and an updated timeline! We’ll know by Wednesday when we’ll take the trigger shot, and will schedule the retrieval. Ahhh! Let’s do this! 

Post 90: Monitoring

We had our second monitoring appointment today! Shaun and I left home at 6:45AM, and Julie stayed home with Courtney. I am seriously bloated today, and it’ll only get worse from here.

We had a new ultrasound tech today. She was very quiet. I prefer when we’re with a tech and a student, and I get to hear what they find. Today, I still had 19 follicles. One was a little too large, 8 were right where they wanted, and 10 have the potential to catch up. This is such a huge change from last time. We had so many follicles, but the sizes were all over the place. 

After the ultrasound, we met with Dr. Johnston. She has to be one of the best doctors I’ve ever met. She puts us at ease, and takes the time to answer questions. We are never rushed, and always feel important. She explained that the cycle is going beautifully. That the goal this time was to tweak what they’d done in the past, to produce higher quality embryos. So far, it looks like it’s working. I don’t have nearly as many follicles as the last two cycles, but my levels are a lot better. I overstimulated both times previously. My estradiol level hit 3500 the first cycle, and 1500 the second cycle. Her goal this time was to keep it around 400. I’ll be stimming longer, with lower doses of medication, adding in Cetrotide to prevent ovulation, and adding an HCG booster to mature eggs before taking the trigger shot. If all goes well, we should end up with a good amount of quality embryos! 

We left Dr. Johnston, did our blood work, and headed to get cupcakes from Gigi’s. We’re headed home now, and are waiting for a call with our updated medication doses. We’re back on Thursday for another monitoring appointment, and again on Saturday. They’re expecting to trigger Saturday or Sunday, with retrieval on Monday or Tuesday. It’s getting exciting! 

Post 89: Party Day

Today, we relaxed, and celebrated Ella’s third birthday. Ella is Kelsye and Derek’s oldest daughter, and she and her sister Zoey are the newest members of our family. Their adoption is not yet finalized, but hopefully will be completed soon. We left the house at 7AM, and arrived at Fort Imagination with moments to spare. The party was perfect for the little princess. There was even a special guest appearance from Rapunzel! Julie had a blast, and loved meeting all of Mama and Dada’s friends...and Rapunzel! 

After the party, we headed to Tascha and Jeff’s house, where three of the girls took naps, while the grown ups talked. It was such a nice day. I miss my friends, and I love that we pick right back up where we left off. We’ve all grown and changed over the past ten years, but our friendship has continued. Beteeen Tascha, Kelsye, and myself, we have five girls ages 15-36 months - two natural, two adopted, and one IVF. It’s a beautiful story, and each is special. Mindy was with us today, too! I think our girls were plenty of birth control for her, but I also see her having a houseful of kids when she’s ready. 

We finally got to exchange Christmas and birthday gifts, then we headed to Nanny and Poppy’s house for dinner. We’re heading home now, and should be back in time for medicine. That’s what life revolves around now - shots. I’m so glad we got this little break today. It was much needed, and we’ll see each other again soon! 

Post 88: Day 2

Today, we had our first monitoring appointment. We woke Julie up at 6:45AM, and threw her in the car. I was sick again this morning (thanks estrogen), but was fine by the time we started driving. We got to Wake Forest with minutes to spare. 

The appointment went well, and was over quickly. My ovaries were hiding, according to Pam, our ultrasound tech this cycle. She had a hard time finding my left ovary, and it was probably the most uncomfortable ultrasound I’ve had. My lining looked good, and I’m starting this cycle with 10 follicles in the right ovary and 9 in the left. Only one follicle was measurable, which is a huge improvement over last time. We used to start with multiple large follicles, and they’d mature too quickly. All of the follicles this time are at the same starting point. The one that was measurable was still small - it was just the dominant follicle that I would release naturally. 

After the ultrasound, Pam gave me a wipe to clean myself, and Julie demanded one too. She thought it was the coolest parting gift, and carried around her sanitary wipe all day! We met with Dr. Johnston after the ultrasound, and she said things looked great. That the follicles were exactly where she wanted, and that I should start to feel “bloaty” soon. 

Chelsea met with us next, and went over medication dosing procedures. I’m taking 112 units of Gonal F and 75 units of Menopur beginning tonight, and also start doxycycline and aspirin this evening. I was also told to remove my estrogen patch. After our consultation, we were good to go. We’ll be back at Wake Forest on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday next week for more monitoring. My medication stays the same until Monday, at which point they’ll reevaluate based on follicle growth. 

After our appointment, we let Julie decided where to have lunch. She chose Chuck E Cheese, with no prompting from us, so we agreed. She had an absolute blast. We were the only ones in the restaurant, and they had just opened. She got over 500 free tickets for being there first. When they turn on each machine, they spit out tickets. She collected all of them before playing games. We played, had some pizza, and headed home. Shaun and I both had to work, but we waiting to head home until nap time so Julie would stay close to her normal schedule. 

Shaun got off work late tonight, and we’ve already messed up our medications. Ugh. I was supposed to receive my injections between 7PM-10PM. Shaun got home exactly at 10PM. I was thinking it would take him five to ten minutes to prep the medicines. I was wrong. At 10:30PM, he was finally ready to shoot me, and I probably would have shot him if it took any longer. They said we have a 30 minute window on the injections, so it looks like 10PM is the time we’ll be injecting each night. I forgot how much the injections burn. I guess we block out a lot of what we went through. Only nine more days of stimulation. I think. Balls. 

Julie woke up right before Shaun got home. She said she had a nightmare, and her belly was hungry. She stayed in our bed while Shaun shot me, then had a yogurt, cheese tortilla, and we put her back in bed. She screamed until almost midnight. So much for getting sleep tonight. 

Post 87: Day 1

Well, we’re officially starting our IVF cycle! My period started this morning (March 21), and I sent Roxanne a message letting her know. She responded and said my first appointment was going to be tomorrow, at 9:45AM. It’s exciting, and nerve wracking, but we’re one step closer to a second child.

I texted Courtney to see if she could watch Julie. In order to make our appointment, we’ll need to leave the house by 7AM at the latest, and Julie has been sleeping until 8AM. Originally, she said yes. Then texted that she had a conflict for an hour and a half. She was supposed to help her mom clean a house in Tazewell. She offered to take Julie with her, but I decided it was better just to take her with us. Tomorrow is going to be a long day of travel with a toddler, but it is what it is. 

Post 86: Medications

My medications arrived while we were in Florida, but I was so exhausted when we got home, that I just left the box alone. Today, I got to look at everything. Our insurance company fought with me over prices, so, behold $5500 in meds 🤨

Included in the box:

-40 doxycycline antibiotic pills

-10 Medrol steroid pills

-2 boxes of Gonal F 

-2 boxes of Menopur

-5 boxes of Ceteotide

-1 vials of HCG

-1 trigger shot

-2 vials of progesterone in oil 

-150 syringes 

Ugh. It makes me bloated just thinking about it. Waiting for my period to start so we can get this paety started!

Post 85: Florida

We had a wonderful, exhausting time at Marco Island. We arrived safely on Thursday, and met up with a few of the people from the Lebanon AT&T Call Center. The Summit was designed to treat the top employees of the company like royalty. When we arrived at the hotel, someone met us to deliver our bags to our room, then we were ushered to registration, where we were given a beach bag, beach towels, sunscreen, and $200 in gift cards! We also received an updated schedule of events, and information about the winners gift pavilion. We had dinner, and crashed.

Friday and Saturday were spent relaxing. I started my estrogen patches, and was given permission to, “have fun and drink a little,” by Roxanne. We spent a days at the spa, lounging by the pool, going on a date to the movies, and enjoying some much needed adult alone time. Saturday evening, we danced the night away at the Summit Gala.

My estrogen side effects kicked in pretty quickly. I was exhausted, starting to bloat, and nauseous. By Saturday night, I was sick as a dog. Between taking multiple lactose pills with dinner, anxiety over flying home, and hyped up hormones, I didn’t sleep at all. I just kept running to the bathroom all night. Our shuttle home left at 5AM, and I was beyond exhausted. I slept the entire way to the airport. I watched a movie on the first flight, and slept the entire second flight. 

When we got to our car, we decided to stop at Target before driving home. We picked up goodies for Julie’s Easter basket, grabbed a quick snack, and got back in the car. Julie was at the ballet with my dad and Shaun’s Mom, so we deciddd to surprise her. We arrived in time for intermission, and she was less than amused. Haha! I was expecting a big, “mama and dada are home moment!” Instead, I got a small hug, and she asked me to take her to see her friends from dance clsss. This kid. Haha! 

I crashed hard Sunday evening. I put Julie to bed, and she made sure I wasn’t going back to Florida. She wanted to talk, sing, and say her prayers, and I realized how much I missed her. I put her in bed, and I went to bed 15 minutes later. I slept like a rock, for the first time in months. 

Post 84: Emotions

Today was hard. Probably the most difficult day I’ve had since our IVF cycle failed and my sister announced per pregnancy. Around 3:30AM, I must have finally realized that we were leaving Julie for the first time. I was running back and forth to the bathroom for an hour, then finally settled into a restless sleep. At 6:00AM, my alarm went off, and I knew it was only an hour until we’d walk out our front door. That thought made me hurl. 

I got up and dressed, and woke up Julie. I snuck into her bedroom, and just watched her sleep. Then I slowly started rubbing her back, and playing with her hair. She was out for the count, and didn’t even flinch. Part of me said to let her sleep, but the mother in me couldn’t leave her without hugs, kisses, and cuddles. I picked her up out of the crib, and she was so confused. I laid her on my shoulder, and we rocked in her glider, enjoying a good ten minutes of cuddles. Then my nerves hit again, I passed her to Shaun, and continued vomiting bile. Moments later, Courtney arrived. Shaun and I each got a few more “squish hugs” as we like to call them, loaded the car, and started driving towards the airport. 

Shaun asked if I wanted to eat, and I told him no. Today was the first day of weaning, the first day of leaving our baby girl, and I was an emotional wreck. By the time we made it to the interstate, I started asking Shaun to let me go home. I was still sick with nerves, and just didn’t want to leave. I knew I had to, and that it was an important step for Julie and myself, but if he’d have said ok, I’d have gone back home immediately. When we got to the airport, the tears started. I’m not a crier. It’s probably been a good year since I cried last, especially ugly cried. It was bad. There was snot and tears everywhere. Shaun parked the car, unloaded the suitcases, opened my door, unbuckled my seatbelt, and physically dragged me out of the car, shut the door, and locked it. He refused to let me go home. 

I knew that he made the right decision, but getting on that plane wasn’t any easier. I prayed continually, asking for my stomach to settle, my nerves to be calmed, and for us to make it to Florida safely. God was clearly listening. By the time we boarded the plane, I was ready to go. My anxiety was gone. We made it to Florida around 2PM, after a very bumpy flight from tricities to Atlanta, and a much nicer flight from Atlanta to Fort Meyers, followed by an hour long bus ride to Marco Island. 

The AT&T summit is tremendous. Their goal is to treat their top employees like celebrities for the weekend. We had priority check in,a bellhop took our bags to our room, we received a welcome beach bag with towels and sun screen, $200 in visa gift cards for Friday’s dinner (the only meal not included in our stay), confirmed our spa reservations for a massage, and they gave us directions for how to pick out our winner’s gifts. We selected a new set of Calphalon pots and pans as the big gift, a Michael Kohrs purse for me, and a fancy watch for Shaun.

We missed lunch because of the flights, so we grabbed a sandwich from the hotel’s bistro, and headed to our room. We called Freedom Fertility to arrange the arrival of our medications, changed into swimsuits, walked on the beach, went swimming, then decided it was time to get ready for dinner. We FaceTimed with Julie, and she kept asking where we were, and when we were coming home. We hung up on her while she was crying, but Courtney said she’d done really well all day. 

Right as we walked into dinner, we got the sweaters movies from Courtney - Julie in her pajamas, saying she loves us, misses us, and hopes we have a good time. Courtney is amazing, and knows what Julie and I both need. It lifted my mood so much, and we were exited to head into the pavilion for dinner. The food was excellent. They had a huge buffet with a great variety of options. If I could find their garlic salad dressing recipe, I’d make it every day, and the ice cream and waffle station was amazing! After dinner, we got to watch a fire dancer perform at sunset, they drew caricatures of each of us, then we headed to bed. And crashed hard.  Tomorrow we start estrogen, and have the day to ourselves. There’s scheduled times for meals, but no set plans for the conference. 

(Backup) Post 93: Stress

I’m not sure if my stress levels could be any higher than they are now. Between fighting with insurance and pharmacies, not receiving my prescriptions, having a financial meeting with my parents, and tearing out our kitchen, it has been one heck of a day. Did I mention that today was also the last time I’ll nurse Julie? We leave for Florida tomorrow, and I start my medications while we’re there. Since they aren’t safe for nursing, I have to stop. Julie is 2 (and a quarter) years old, but still loves her “nilkers” for breakfast each day. So tomorrow will be emotional. 

Not only are we weaning tomorrow, it’s also our first time leaving Julie. I’ve spent one night away from her since birth, and I was less than two miles away. Shaun was also home at the time. She’s never been without both of us for more than a few hours, and never at night. Courtney (our amazing sitter) will be here from 6:30AM until bedtime tomorrow, then Shaun’s parents and sister will be here until we return on Sunday. We had a pajama party tonight, with lots of extra cuddles, before bedtime. Then we talked for about half an hour about the upcoming trip, and what it means for her - going over details in toddler speak - before she was ready to crash and I was ready to let go. 

As much as I’ll miss her, I’m also beyond excited for this trip. Shaun and I are headed to Marco Island, Florida, courtesy of AT&T, for the Summit Convention. We will be pampered all weekend! A trip to the spa, spending allowance each day, a selection of gifts to choose from, and a formal dinner and night of dancing. Shaun is required to attend the meetings each day, but I am free to come and go as I wish. I do believe I’ll read a book, relax, and prepare for the coming weeks. My period should start a few days after we return, then I start stimming. It will be good to have an adult only trip, to reconnect and make sure we’re on the same page.

We also have a lot to discuss after our family financial meeting today. My dad is beginning his retirement from all the family businesses, and in five years, will turn his empire over to Sara and myself to run. Our family spent the entire day going through medical directives, power of attorney, life insurance policies, trust funds, checking accounts, and more. I could have used a translator for a good portion of the meeting. We were also informed that he’s forgiving our loan for Julie, and the upcoming cycle, and forgiving the same amount for a personal loan to Sara. 

I’m still in shock and awe over my parents financial status. I knew they saved and invested smartly, and had a ballpark figure of where they stand, but had no idea until today what it means for me, Julie, and any other direct heirs to the Hudson name. Shaun and I live within our means, on about $2000/month.  That amount is pocket change to my parents. We are supposed to come up with ways for them to spend money on us. We decided collectively that it was better to spend the money now, rather than waiting until they’ve passed away. To enjoy the time with our families while our children are young. Now, we get to dream. What would you purchase or request if you were inheriting a substabtial amount of money? 

Post 92: How much? What?!?

Today was supposed to be low key. I was waiting for the pharmacy to call with tracking information, and that was the only important thing on my to-do list. They called around noon, and said that they’d received an additional prescription, and would be adding it to the order that would ship later today. I agreed, and asked them to call me back if there were any problems.

About an hour later, they called. Man, did we have problems! Our insurance has changed since we did IVF in 2014/2015. At the time, Freedom Fertility was the best, and lowest cost pharmacy, and our out of pocket expense was around $350-$450 depending on which medications had been prescribed. We now have insurance through CVS Caremark, and when I spoke with the pharmacy, I was told that they recommended I find a different pharmacy to handle our prescriptions. The estimated total before insurence was $5,079! What?!? And after insurance, our out of pocket expense was just shy of $2,500! Ahhhhhh!! They were so concerned that they called me to tell me the steps to finding a lower cost option. 

Within a few minutes, I was on the phone with my insurence. Aparently, they are their own preferred provider, and anywhere else is out of network and ungodly expensive. CVS Caremark has another side known as Caremark Specialty, which is who I’m now working with. It took about fifteen phone calls back and forth between Caremark, Freedom, and Wake Forest, but my prescriptions were officially transferred to the correct pharmacy, and they might even get here in time. Ugh. This was a stressor that was not needed today. I’m supposed to call Caremark tomorrow to get the final price. They said it should definitely be less than the quote from Freedom, but didn’t say by how much. Fingers crossed that it’ll be a reasonable amount. Yes, we can cover $2,500 if we need to; no, I’m not going to do it happily. 

Post 91: Girls Day

It was so simple to change my diet the last time we were trying for a baby. I cut out caffeine completely, ate my avocados, and took my vitamins like clockwork. At that point, I had plenty of time in my day, and having a child was the most impenitent goal. This time around, I am struggling! I’m doing well with food selections, and am getting plenty of whole grains, fruits, and veggies, but I can not for the life of me remember to take my vitamins, and am ready to murder someone for a cup of coffee. There are more important things in my life, and I am utterly exhausted chasing a toddler, while living life uncaffeinated. 

Julie woke up twice last night, and ended up in our bed for a few hours. It doesn’t happen often, and I honestly think she was having growing pains. She kept grabbing her legs and asking me to kiss her booboos. We put her back in bed at 4AM, and she screamed and cried for about half an hour before finally settling into a restful sleep. I, however, was wide awake. For the next two hours, I read, twiddled my thumbs, and tried to fall back to sleep. When it didn’t happen, I decided a relaxing bath would help ease into the day. An hour later, Julie was awake, and decided to join me in the tub. 

After a morning of meltdowns, Julie begged to, “go shoppin’!” I was exhausted, and knew that getting out of the house was probably s good idea. Staying home would have meant more meltdowns, and with my lack of caffeine, I’d have yelled back at the toddler, who doesn’t deserve it. 

We ended up heading to Johnson City, to a consignment sale. When we got to Abingdon, my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, and my auto-block let the call go through. Since I’d been waiting on Freedom Pharmacy to call with my prescriptions, I decided to answer. With luck, my instincts were correct! 

I’d been stressing over this call since Roxanne told me about it. We’re doing ok financially, but not well enough to have an extra $1,500 in our checking account within a few hours notice. The call was supposed to happen on Thursday, and I was anxious about it for two reasons: first, I didn’t know how much the prescriptions were going to be since our insurance has changed since sincs the last cycle; and second, I didn’t know if we’d be able to pay up front since we were waiting on our tax return. God truly does work in mysterious ways. I checked our bank account, and not only did our refund get credited to our account this morning, but Shaun also got paid, and his commission bonus was added. 

When I spoke with the agent, she reviewed my medications - 2 vials of progesterone, 2 vials of Gonal F, 10 per-filled injectible Menopur, 1 vial of Ceteotide, 1 HCG trigger, 8 Estrogen patches, 20 Doxycycline tablets, 5 Medrol tablets, 130 syringes, alcohol swabs, gauze, and a sharps container. She updated our address and contact information, then asked for our payment method. She didn’t give me a total, or an estimate, but asked if I’d like to add a maximum amount they could charge at one time. She explained that this allows them to ship the medication immediately, and charge my card up to any amount we set, then they’ll settle the bill after our insurance is charged. I told her that sounded wonderful. When she asked what amount I’d like to set, I asked for her opinion. Our medications last time were around $350-$450, but our insurance covered a huge percentage. I expected her to tell me $300-$500 as a precautionary minimum. Instead, she said $50 should be a good start! $50! That’s all? Good grief, and thank you Lord! She explained that my medications will ship on Monday, and will arrive by Tuesday, and to make sure the injectible medications make it to the fridge. 

After the call, Julie and I finished our trip. We spent the day shopping, relaxing, and forgetting to take our vitamins. I can rest a little easier knowing that everything seems to be falling perfectly into place this cycle. 

Post 90: And We’re Back

Today has been a whirlwind of emotions, excitement, and needles. We decided a few months ago that it was time to start trying for another baby. We made our appointment with Wake Forest, and after a saline sonogram and some blood work to check my thyroid level, we were cleared to do another IVF cycle. We haven’t used protection since Julie was born, and have been actively trying naturally for six months with no luck, so IVF is clearly the right decision if we want to expand our family.

On Tuesday, I sent an email saying we were ready to start trying. Today (Thursday), I got an email with a schedule. I was expecting there to be a wait, and for us to start the IVF cycle in April or May. Instead, they said, “How about Wednesday?” That’s six days from now! Six days? Am I ready for this again? The agonizing physical and emotional pain? The needles, blood work, and stress? Well, yes. I think I am!

I rushed to the hospital for lab work, and 7 tubes of blood and a urine sample later, we’ve officially started our third fresh IVF cycle. 

I left the hospital, and headed straight to Live Life Chiropractic for an acupuncture session. Maybe it’s the mood, and excitement of the day, but I swear the clouds looked like an ultrasound photo. There’s a baby’s face and body if you look close. Maybe they’re just clouds, but I see it. 

I’m taking that as a sign that this will be our month. We won’t need to do any further cycles, and God will provide.

Here goes nothing! Fingers crossed for a relaxing, easy cycle. The timing is perfect, and works around our vacation to Marco Island, Florida, courtesy of AT&T, and also finishes before our next dance competition. It was too ideal not to try.